Hi Everyone,
I’m glad Friday has rolled around again. Please know that breaking up is rarely easy, whether you are initiating it or receiving it. It is also somewhat discouraging that people still play games. In the event that you are the initiator, it is important to be sure that you want to break up. You also have the right to do so, especially if the relationship is unsatisfactory. While it is important to recognize the situation, it is equally important to guard against erroneously using it as a threat when, in fact, you actually wanted the relationship to change. Too little, too late, some people may try to make come back. Unfortunately, as you can see, ambivalence after ending a relationship is not a sign that you made a wrong decision; neither is loneliness. I’m thinking that both indicate that the relationship was equally valuable to you, as well. So what? Likewise, if your partner breaks up with you, the pain and loneliness you will experience are natural. There is nothing the individual can do to erase the pain; it is only natural. Not breaking up because you don’t want to hurt your partner may be even worse because you are not being honest with him or her, or with yourself. I think one can only expect a wise person to be sincere enough to leave the partner alone. If you don’t leave him or her alone, it will only be more painful since he or she may be more involved in the relationship than you. Guess what? With time, the intensity of the pain and suffering will subside. That is to say, if you are a victim, don’t lose hope, instead, just go through the motions or grieving process and perhaps share your story with trusted friends. While doing so, use it as an opportunity to build back your self-esteem by regarding yourself as a worthwhile person, whether you are with a partner or not. Obviously, no one ever died of love because there are many fishes in the ocean. This notion will surely help ease the pain.
The traditional family unit that remains geographically and socially connected is less common. We also need to know that if something happens to us, there are people we can depend on for help. Without such relationships, one may feel anxious and vulnerable. Family has been the traditional anchor associated with mental well-being for the aging adult. Few aspects of family life exist to which our relatives (especially parents and siblings) do not make a contribution. Adult siblings are surely important sources of help in times of need, and trouble. Adults who are ill or aged or children whose parents are unable to care for them are often absorbed into the homes of relatives who have the resources to support them. If children are young and single, parents may still expect to exercise considerable control over their children’s behavior in return for their support. But if children are older or married, there are fewer obligations. This should not be the case. Even when extended families are separated geographically, they should continue to provide emotional and financial support. Contacts with kin are also especially important in the lives of the aged, as well. Unfortunately, with well over 50 percent of new marriages ending in divorce, the effect on the aging adult can be profound. How the divorced, remarried, or blended family responds to the needs of the aging adult can generate complex care problems and dilemmas. Now, who will care for the elderly, widowed adult with early onset Alzheimer's Disease, for example, when the children are divorced and living far away from the family of origin? I also suspect some consequences for the aging adult of adult children who abandon their children. If I may ask, can grandparents assume this responsibility when they are faced with health problems and financial limitations? I think the answer is a resounding no. With all of these complexities of modern life, I still think the family unit deserves to be nurtured, strengthened, and protected. May Allah grant us peace.
Have a blessed week-end.
